Whenever we think of New Year's resolutions, goal setting or vision boarding we think of the areas of our lives that need to be improved upon, or changed. Like our fitness, financial standing, relationship status, body shape, health, and habits. However, as a year draws to a close we humans have a funny habit of going into overdrive, making plans and trying to make up for falling short of completing our current years resolutions. And all the stuff we’d put off comes flooding in, sending us into a frenzy of action planning. Then we wait for the new year to role in, and for the start date to spur us into action. But it usually fizzles out by the end of January. Then, year by year this accumulated lack of completion eventually builds a tiny voice of resentment and helplessness in us.
Ever wonder why a lot of the goals we set fall short or are given up on before we even start?
What stops us is a vital, albeit, subtle step. And this step is called “the reality check.” It is a question that should be asked just before any resolutions are made, once we've stopped, sat down and let our busy minds find stillness. And the question is: “What reality am I living right now?”
Now, you might be thinking “Hold on, I know my reality, that's how I know what’s missing from my life.” Well, you might think you know what’s missing, but have you asked yourself what you already have? And if what is missing is something that must be acquired, or even should be acquired? Is the goal achievable in the time you have set it, or will other circumstances in your reality affect the completion date?
We make plans but we fail to look at how we live our lives on a day to day bases; our habits, how the people around us influence us, if there is actually a more pressing problem that needs to be solved - and this resolution you're focusing on is just a bandaid to deliberately distract you from facing the real issue.
So, if you do this step first, you might actually completely change the goal that you set out to achieve. Because when you spend those reflective hours examining your circumstances; the time of year, environment, your current commitments, people important to you that could affect your decision, your state of mind and mental capacity... you may discover that your real goal and need is different. Brain twister?
An example of what this step might look like is this: you want to quit smoking and you’ve given yourself a fortnight to do it. You’ve read Alan Carr’s The Easy Way To Stop Smoking and think you're ready to start. But you decide to sit and analyse your reality first. In doing so you discover that you didn’t consider the fact that you smoke two packs a day, your housemates smoke, there are no no-smoking restaurants in your area, and that you are really stressed at the moment because of deadlines at work. Do you think you can honestly quit within a fortnight and stay on track for good within these circumstances? Unless you’re the Terminator, the answer is probably “not really.”
Any real transformation begins with silence, followed with observation, then with calculated action planning. So, before you launch yourself enthusiastically into action -- stop and reflect on your reality.
Once you face your reality as it is, you can formulate a realistic strategy for how to achieve perfectly aligned goals, and live a life that is transformed in the areas it should be. As Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard, put it:
“life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
And the best experiences are guided by calculated action.
Good luck.
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